Restarting in 3...2...1....

I have made some truly wonderful friends online and the other evening I was chatting with one of them via direct messaging.  When I chat online, I’m usually in multiple sites and writing or exploring so I depend on notifications to know when someone messages me back.  During this particular conversation, my phone was failing in the notification department so I left my friend hanging a few times.

Technology is an amazing thing, but from time to time it fails.  The first order of all things technology, before you resort to messing with settings or contacting support, is to restart the device you are on.  After many years of working on a computer, this is one lesson I learned well.  So on this particular day, I restarted my phone.  Wah-lah!  I immediately starting getting notifications again. 

I shared with my online friend what I had done and she said, “Strange how sometimes a restart is all that is needed.”  This friend knows I am a writer and mentioned that there was probably a story in there somewhere.  She was right.  The idea that restarting could so easily correct some inconsistencies or glitches left me thinking about that concept and what it looks like in day to day living. 

How great would it be if when things are going off the rails or it seems nothing is working as it should, we could just shut the day down and restart it?  What if a really bad day could be turned around by taking a moment to close down and start over?  I know that in a busy day, and especially one where everything seems to be going south, it’s hard to take the time for a reboot.  Have you ever had your computer decide to update when you have a million things to get done in a work day?  What’s to do but wait for it to be ready to resume?

I’ve had some days recently that a restart could have been so helpful!  What if, when you’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated or frazzled or sad, you took ten minutes to power down, take some deep breaths, say a prayer or take a short walk, then power back up?  It may not be a complete fix for whatever is going on, but it may help you reset mentally so you can move forward with a renewed focus.  Just as with technology, maybe it could be the first step to try instead of the last.  Reboots are known to keep your devices running at optimal efficiency.  Maybe it could work for humans, too. 

Imposter Syndrome

Truth be told, I’m a bit of a learning nerd.  I have an unquenchable thirst for discovering new things. As I’ve said in past postings, I pour through books and in recent years (especially throughout the last two), I have embraced podcasts.  They are so great when I have something mundane to do and I can’t sit down with a book.  Most are an hour or less and it gives my curious brain something stimulating to do while I’m performing very unstimulating tasks like dusting. 

Today I listened to a portion of a podcast from Dr. Zubin Damania, also known as “zdoggmd”.  I discovered Dr. Damania on Instagram when he started speaking about Covid response.  I found him to be very balanced in his approach as a doctor and human being to help people understand the facts about the pandemic.  He’s a physician in the San Francisco Bay area, assistant professor, comedian, musician, and now internet personality.  I continued to listen because he did present facts and ideas about what was happening, but he made it entertaining and palatable. 

His podcast today was about Imposter Syndrome.  His guest was Dr. Rachel Zofness, who is a Stanford and USFC professor and pain psychologist.  Both of these well-known teacher/speaker/professional orator types suffer from Imposter Syndrome.  Imposter Syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.  It happens most for high-achievers who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments.  They question their abilities, their knowledge and their credentials and wonder why people even listen to them. 

As these two extremely knowledgeable, highly educated, well-known speakers described the symptoms of this syndrome, I began to feel like they were digging around inside my head.  I started this blog with trepidation from day one.  I knew I had some abilities, perhaps even some giftings, to express things in creative writing.  I doubted that anyone would want to read or care about what I write.  I am completely blown away with how people I don’t even know have responded to my writings.  Compliments are hard because I tend to not believe them.   I keep thinking it can’t last.  And then I put something out in the universe and get amazing and meaningful feedback about how that entry spoke to them, and I once again begin to believe in myself.  Imposter Syndrome can apparently be very real even for people like me who are just experimenting with living out a dream to put my writing skills to use in some small way.

Dr. Zofness had some great tips for how to combat Imposter Syndrome because she suffers from it and did a lot of research in how to deal with it in her own life.  First, we need to acknowledge it’s happening and accept that it’s not unique and we are not alone – in other words, normalize it so it’s not so scary. Secondly, we have to externalize it so that we don’t become attached to it internally.  She suggests saying, “I am not this, I am feeling this way.”  In other words, don’t label yourself as unworthy, but recognize that you might be feeling unworthy at times.   And last, but not least, we need to reframe it.  We have to realize that it’s a sign of our success, we’re stretching, we’re achieving.  We haven’t arrived completely, so there will be times of feeling insecure or lacking in confidence. 

So what is that thing that you are telling yourself you aren’t good enough to put to use?  How often do you tell yourself you don’t deserve the attention you are getting?  Do you let doubt stop you from taking that next big, or even small, step?  Well, join the club.  Recognize Imposter Syndrome for what it is and don’t let it prevent you from doing what you are called and gifted to do.  And I’ll do my best to not feel like a fraud every time I write one of these.  

Link to podcast:  https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=zdoggmd+imposter+syndrome

A Tree Grew There

Today we are losing a tree in our yard.  It’s a huge box elder tree that we planted not long after we moved to this property over 30 years ago.  It produces beautiful filtered shade over one end of our house and keeps it cool in the hot summer months.  It’s part of the character of our front yard and I love to sit under it at our picnic table.  I’ve written quite a number of blogs and poems under that tree.  It’s been the home to lots of birds and squirrels and a shelter for our kids and grandkids when they played under it. 

But it’s a sprawling tree and it has begun to create issues with our roof and it’s messy when the seed pods and leaves come down in the fall.  It also attracts pests, specifically box elder bugs which have reproduced in plague proportion the last four years.  It’s not as healthy as it used to be so it’s time for it to go.  It will come down branch by branch today. 

It’s a lesson of life that some things are for a season.  All living things have a lifespan.  Some are very long and some are far too short.  I guess I had hoped that this tree would outlive us.  There will be a giant hole in our landscape when it’s gone.  We will plant another tree, but won’t be around to see it grow as big as this one. 

I love trees.  I could be a tree hugger.  I admire all the varieties and the contrasts of evergreens and deciduous.  Green is my favorite color and in trees I see every shade on the green spectrum.  They all have different patterns of branches and a myriad of leaf shapes.  To me, they are a testament to the magic of Creation and I must always live among them. 

This tree coming down is not without its upside.  Further damage to our roof will cease and the endless raking of seed pods will not be necessary.  Our view of sunsets will be opened up and the lilac that has been stunted under its branches will probably thrive.  But something about losing that tree seems like an ending.  I loved sitting under it and watching the morning and evening sunlight electrify its leaves to a bright chartreuse as they twisted in the breeze.  It felt safe to sit under the branches, like a cozy shelter from extremes of the seasons. 

I may be a little more sad about this tree than I should be.  I’m not sure I want to watch it come down.  I know it’s just a tree.  The memories and years associated with that tree won’t change.  But it was easier to remember when I could sit under it. 

Finding your Rhythms

I’ve always tended to be a night owl, so my morning routine consists of a slow trudge toward waking up and engaging in life.   When I was still working, of course there were the days that I had to embrace the readiness routine of pulling myself together so I would be presentable and alert in the office.  My preference, however, is to stay in my pajamas, pour myself a steaming hot cup of black coffee, check the news of the day and scan social media.  Once the caffeine begins to awaken my senses, it’s usually ok to talk to me and I might even be coherent.  Truth be told, I’ve never been a cheerful morning person.  I like to wake up slowly and peacefully.  It was harder when we had kids.  Offspring don’t wait for you to wake up before they start asking for things like food. 

I used to revel in days that I could stay up till the wee hours and sleep in the next morning.  My husband was really nice about getting up with the kids and feeding them so they would let me wake up slowly. I took on the night shift with the child who didn’t need much sleep and was still wide awake at 10:00pm.  Our routine worked pretty well with our internal clocks.  

Something happened a number of years ago that didn't just mess with my circadian rhythm, it completely broke it.  This may sound strange, but we went on a 10-day camping trip with my sister and brother-in-law.  We shared a tent camper and the other three people in the tent were early risers.  Sleeping in was not happening.  So every day I woke between 5:30 and 6:30am on that trip.  When I got home, suddenly I could not sleep past 6:30 even if I stayed up till midnight.  Consequently, I could no longer stay up late because I need my eight hours and couldn’t function well on less. I know some people who do perfectly well with six hours of sleep, but that is not me.  It was a sad realization that my youth was departing and forcing me to keep “old people hours”. 

According to The Sleep Foundation website, “Circadian rhythms are 24-hour cycles that are part of the body’s internal clock, running in the background to carry our essential functions and processes.  One of the most important and well-known circadian rhythms is the sleep-wake cycle.  Different systems of the body follow these rhythms that are synchronized with a master clock in the brain.  This master clock is directly influenced by environmental cues, especially light. When properly aligned, a circadian rhythm can promote consistent and restorative sleep.  But when the rhythm is thrown off, it can create significant sleeping problems such as insomnia.” 

I am pretty sure that winter in my part of the world also does a number on my circadian rhythm.  When it’s still dark at 7:30am and dark again at 4:00pm, my body clock says I need to be asleep more.  Hibernation would not be out of the question.  Now that it’s February, I’m beginning to see some lengthening of our daylight hours.  It feels like it takes forever to get past the darkest months, but I just read today that it’s only 35 more days until we return to Daylight Savings Time.  I look forward to that day every year as much or more than my birthday, which happens to fall around the same time. 

February is skipping along nicely toward the first signs of spring.  I know for some of my readers, it’s counting down to fall.  Whichever season you are headed for, I hope your circadian rhythms are adjusting appropriately.  If not, I recommend a 10-day camping trip.  It could very well be a life changer. 

Room to Expand

Expansion.  As I was writing in my journal last week, this word came to me out of the blue.  I was journaling about the last year and how it changed my life in such a huge way.  The routine of what I had been doing for a very long time was abruptly interrupted by my own need and subsequent decision to find a new routine.  I was left with being unsure of what my new life would even look like.  It was full of possibility, but also confusion and a discomfort in the unknown status of my future endeavors.  In my journal I was trying to describe my growth over these last months.  The best descriptor that came to mind was expansion. 

Just yesterday I was listening in a writing group I’m part of and the author, while describing the meaning behind a poem he had written, discussed the idea of being open and expansive.  I have often found that when I’m supposed to learn something, the message comes through loud and clear from more than one source and it behooves me to pay attention. 

The word itself is a noun that describes the act of increasing something in size, volume, quantity, scope or importance.  It’s used a lot in building terms like adding onto a structure or acquiring more property.  It describes suburban sprawl as cities increase in population.  In scientific terms, it’s what happens when you apply heat to things.  When substances are heated, the molecular bond between particles are weakened and the particles move faster, causing the substance to expand. 

For me personally, the word expansion describes what I feel has recently happened to the scope of my life.  Without the confines of the habits and obligations that had been firmly in place, new ideas, options and skillsets grew.  Dreams became possible.  I felt the world expanding around me and I became less afraid of expanding with it. 

A year ago I might not have been brave enough to do something crazy like starting a blog.  Putting your writing out there leaves you feeling vulnerable and exposed.  You don’t know if anyone will read it or appreciate it.  I wanted what I wrote to be helpful, to cause people to feel more positive, to maybe make them think in a new or different way, or perhaps at least bring a smile.  As I embarked on this new adventure, I thought it would mostly just be a little something for family and friends and a way to dip my toes back into the writing pool.  What happened was expansion.  I’m still in awe of how many people read my posts and the messages I get from people who connected with something are so encouraging! 

So, I asked myself when the word popped into my mind, “What does the next level of expansion look like?  Are you going to allow yourself to expand and grow even more?”  I am already working on a collection of essays, poetry, photography and artwork to put into book form that I’m hoping to complete in 2022.  Just a few days ago through a serendipitous discovery, I found a platform to expand the reach of my writing even more.  But I also want to grow beyond the bounds of my writing.  I want to allow myself to expand my horizons and see where I end up.  I want to grow mentally and spiritually and hopefully be used in a bigger way in the lives of others.  I’m ok with not growing physically.  There are areas where it’s best to consider contracting rather than expanding. 

The idea of putting feet to fire may be uncomfortable, but it may be what it takes for expansion to happen.  How will this year apply heat that causes me to continue to grow even more ideas, dreams, goals, opportunities?  Let’s see what you’ve got, 2022.  I’m leaving myself open to expand.