The Three Truths

One of the podcasts I enjoy from time to time is Lewis Howes’ “School of Greatness”.  He puts out way more material than I can keep up with, but he hosts a lot of really interesting guests.  One question he likes to ask of his guests is one that I have thought a lot about ever since I heard it.  Here it is: “Imagine it’s your last day on earth, many years from now, and you’ve accomplished everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  For whatever reason, you have to take all of your content with you and no one has access to all of your information anymore.  But you get to leave behind three truths – three lessons that you want to leave with the world.  What would your three truths be?”

I do love questions that make me think.  I have changed my answers a few times because at least for me, it’s almost impossible to come up with only three.  But right here, right now, here are my three truths:

1.   Nothing matters more than relationship.  In my mind there are three types of relationships that are all paramount.  The first is our relationship to God. The second is our relationship with ourselves. And the third is our relationship to others: family, friends, neighbors, the barista at the coffee shop, the guy that changes the oil in my car, the clerk at the local grocery store. They all matter more than anything we own or all the stuff the world can provide. And they all have to be individually healthy for us to be healthy corporately.  

2.   Joy does not depend on circumstances.  Joy is not the same as happy. Joy is something deep down in our souls that cannot be wrecked by the hard things of life.  I think joy is a level of understanding and contentment that regardless of what happens in any given point in time, you can find joy in where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, the people you’ve known, the faith that you’ve grown. 

3.   We need to keep an open mind and never stop learning.  We may have heard that everything we needed to know we learned in kindergarten.  And when we were 19 we may have thought we knew more than everyone else, including our parents.  But I can tell you without question that at no age or stage do we know it all.  When we seek to learn, we may find our minds can change about some things we thought we knew for fact.  There is so much out there that we can’t possibly already know.  We need to keep reading and having conversations and looking for different takes on our beliefs that will grow us in a new way.  Not a single one of us is ever too old to learn something new as long as we are open to it. 

As a bonus, I’ll add one more thought that I debated was my number 3.  It is this:  Don’t always choose safe. Taking risks and trying new scary things can bring so much value to our lives. This year I chose to leave what I thought was safe and stepped out into the unknown.  So far it’s been quite a ride!  I am still unsure of where I'm headed, but I have not one regret.  

So what would you say are your three truths?  What could you share to make the world a better place?  I challenge you to think about them, write them down, revisit them, share them.  We all have something to contribute, so trust that your truths could be exactly what someone else needs to hear. 

Morning Reflection

 

Mist rises above the Little Spokane as morning light sparkles off the water.

Sun filters through rustling leaves as shades of green transition from light to dark and back again.

Tall golden waves of grass are damp with morning dew

and bend to make a singular path along the river

that disappears behind me as blades dry and resurrect in the warmth of the early rays.

Canada geese rest on the shore insisting I widen the path around them rather than be disturbed.

A lone whitetail drinking from the stream lifts her head to check my intent.

Deep breaths of cool, crisp air awaken my senses

to the new day with a world of possibilities and promise.

Peace prevails with the awe of the beauty of creation and the wonder of life.

I pause to ask, “What will I do with this day?”

Nature answers back, “Let this moment remind you that every second matters.  Use them wisely.”

Hard Things

My last post was light-hearted and designed to be uplifting and fun.  Hopefully if you had a chance to read it, it brought a smile.  But there is a flipside of life and writing about it reminds me that some people are going through really hard things and a smile is not something they are feeling right now. 

Recently I sent a message to someone I don’t actually know and I’ve only ever communicated with through social media.   He is going through something really, really hard right now.  I was just lead to tell him that while there isn’t a lot I can physically do to be supportive, I at least wanted him to know that he’s continually in my thoughts and prayers.  Now I am aware that, at least here in the USA, that phrase became a political touch point on a controversial issue and it cheapened the idea of thinking and praying for someone.  But the message I sent was received as intended and I got back the most heartfelt and genuine response.  No matter how trite my lame attempt to provide comfort may have seemed, just that short message made someone feel less alone as he traverses a very difficult journey.

Life, as we all know, is this amazing coaster ride of ups and downs and twists and turns and you have to be made of some strong stuff to navigate it and not throw up (coasters and I don’t get along).  We can have all the steely determination to just bite the bullet and power through, but ultimately, we need to know that we aren’t alone.   Feelings of fear and anxiety and helplessness are all made better by knowing someone else is standing right outside the fire working to extinguish the flames that threaten to burn us alive.  Humans are social creatures by nature.  We need each other.  

I also believe that we have a God who values us more than all the stars in the universe and loves us beyond anything we can comprehend.  Even when people fail us, we are never alone.  Knowing that to be true in my own life (and I’ve been through some stuff!) has made me understand that I can represent that love to other people who are going through the hard things this life hands us.  Sometimes we can do something big and tangible.  Sometimes all we can do is let someone know we are thinking of them and praying for them.  When all you know to do is that, do that.

  

All of this means that we need to be paying attention to the pain of those around us.  Someone in your circle is likely going through something right now.  Use what you have been through to help that someone.  Sometimes all it takes is letting them know that their pain matters to you, that you’re thinking of them and praying for them.  And that’s not a hard thing.  

It's (Mostly) Ok to Laugh

I’ve often said that I have a warped sense of humor.  I don’t laugh at things that lots of people find funny.  I’m not a fan of sit-coms and not to insult anyone who is, I usually find them lame.  My husband makes me laugh, which is probably one of the main reasons I married him.  Humor has gotten us through the toughest of times.  I think little kids are hilarious.  Often they aren’t trying to be funny, but things they say and do come from the most natural places, never forced.  My grandchildren keep me in stitches.  A baby gut-laughing is completely contagious for me. I’m one of those terrible people who laugh when someone falls down in a dramatic way or runs into a transparent door.  I don’t mean to be cruel; it just looks so funny to me.  When I see something like that happen, it may be a couple of minutes before I can ask someone if they are alright with a straight face.  (Disclaimer: I have never really laughed at someone who was genuinely hurt.  Ok, maybe a little….before I knew!)

The study of laughter, which is a real thing, is called gelotology.  Yes, laughter is something that has been studied extensively over long periods of time and no doubt a lot of dollars have gone into learning about why we laugh and what it does to us.  That’s somewhat laughable.  But here are some facts gleaned by researchers:

• ·       The average person laughs about 17 times per day.
• ·       Scientists agree that laughter runs a circuit through multiple areas of the brain.
• ·       Laughter results in a bout of relaxation that inhibits the fight or flight response.
• ·       As we laugh, cells that inhibit viruses and tumor production increase, as do immune responses.
• ·       There’s even something now called laughter therapy that teaches people how to laugh at things they don’t usually find funny and helps them cope with difficult situations (I may or may not need this.)
• ·       Humans are not the only animals that laugh.  It’s something they’ve studied in primates, rodents, and even larger mammals.  However, hyenas are not really laughing, just so you know.
• ·       Laughter occurs via connection and relationship.  You are 30x more likely to laugh when you are with someone than on your own.

So, with all these important facts in mind, here’s my scientific theory.  You will feel better if you interact with other people and have a good laugh.  Don’t put it off.  You have to squeeze in 17 laughs per day, so you’d better start early.  Forced laughter doesn’t have the same effect, so don’t even try.  Hang out with kids, or perhaps my husband.  If you have a very funny friend, invite them over for morning coffee.  If that doesn’t work, learn to laugh at yourself.  Most of us have good reasons to do so. 

I wish you much laughter today 17 times over.  Make it a stellar day and go for 18! 

Embracing Gratitude

I’m pretty devoted to sitting down with a good hardback book.  I own an electronic bookreader and I read there, too, especially when I travel so I don’t have to load up my luggage with books.  But there’s something to be said for pouring through the pages of hard copy.  Is it weird that I even like the smell of books?   It brings back childhood memories of when the Scholastic book order would arrive and I opened that first new book and the scent of paper and ink floated into the air. 

However, in the past couple years I have also embraced listening to podcasts and Ted Talks.  I like just tuning into the audio and letting my vision take a break.  It also allows for more efficient multi-tasking which the left hemisphere of my brain appreciates! 

Sometimes I’ll open YouTube or Spotify and let one recording roll into the next. Yesterday I followed a rabbit trail that started with a Ted Talk from Dr. Ryan Duffy entitled “Giving Unexpected Gratitude to Those Who Need It Most”.  He teaches college students about how our physical bodies are affected when we practice gratitude.  On the science side of things, taking on an attitude of gratitude rewires the brain, producing dopamine and serotonin, which as you may already know, make us feel great.  The side effects are numerous:  increased happiness, strengthened resiliency, reduced depression, blood pressure reduction, increased energy, less chronic pain, better sleep, increased empathy. Sounds good, right?

The next talk that auto-played was called “Gratitude” by Louis Schwartzberg.  For the past 30 years, Louis has created time-lapse photographs of flowers blooming.  Every single day, 24 hours a day, for the past 30 years he’s had his camera rolling.  He put together a beautiful and inspiring video that closed out his talk.  My heart swelled just listening to a child and an older gentlemen speak from the perspective of gratitude and as the photographic images flashed on the screen, the message came home so clearly. 

Lastly came a talk by Hailey Bartholomew called “The 365 Grateful Project”.  I’ve heard from a number of sources and I’m sure you have, too, how keeping a daily “Gratitude Journal” for even a few days can really contribute to a feeling of overall well-being.  Hailey is a talented photographer and she took the journal idea one step further.  She resolved to take one picture per day for one year of things she was grateful for.  When the year was over, she had a beautiful photo book and a complete transformation of heart and mind.  With how great phone cameras are now, this would be pretty simple to do and just looking for something to take a photo of would be a reminder to be grateful every single day.

Whether we are glass half empty or glass half full people, embracing gratitude is something we can all do and benefit from.  Maybe we, like Hailey, can transform our hearts and minds in a very good way.  As I write this, I am feeling very grateful for all who read my words and offer so much encouragement to keep writing.  If what I write touches even one person, then I am grateful beyond measure.  What are you grateful for today?

The Memory of Moments

We’ve all experienced those moments that stopped us in our tracks.  We’ve lived through life events that we can picture exactly when and where we were when they happened.  I’ve been around long enough to remember the first world news event that I can remember vividly.  It was the assassination of US President John F. Kennedy in Dallas on November 22, 1963.  As I remember it in my five year old mind, I was watching Heckle and Jeckle cartoons and they suddenly pre-empted all network channels and Walter Cronkite was announcing that Kennedy had been killed.  My mom was riveted to the television and she was crying.  My mom didn’t cry easily.  I wasn’t old enough to take it all in, but I knew it was bad. 

I think back to other events that are forever engrained in my memory almost as if they just happened yesterday: the deaths of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger, the airplanes flying into the twin towers in New York City, the first mass school shooting at Columbine High School.  I remember watching the news footage and feeling the shock and devastation and disbelief as the reports happened in real time. 

Yesterday I was thinking about these life changing events and some others that were personal and closer to home for me.  I can easily recall and relive those big moments that forever alter our lives; things that give us pause, change our trajectory, challenge our beliefs, and set us on a new path.  As I dredge up those memories, it seems that we tend to remember the tragedies, the devastating events, the horrors of our world at its worst.  I tried to remember glorious world events, experiencing incredible moments that brought joy and celebration and positivity.  I really could only remember a few: man walking on the moon for the first time, the “Miracle on Ice” USA hockey team winning the gold in the Olympics, the tearing down of the Berlin wall.  But I really had to work to bring those to mind.

What is it about us that causes those devastating events to stay in our psyche more than the joyful moments?  Is it the unexpected shock that stays with us?  Is it the disbelief that something that bad could happen?  Is it the way the real time footage is played over and over that causes us to imprint it in our memory banks?

I know there will be more very hard moments in the days and years to come.  It’s just the nature of living on earth.  But I also know that there will be amazing, incredible events.  I want those to be forever etched in my memory.  I want to celebrate the best that this life brings.  We might have to dig a bit deeper to find them.  The awful events get more airplay.  What does that do to us as people living in these times?  It’s far easier to get focused on the bad and miss the good.  But let’s resolve to reset our focus.  Let’s seek out the awesome and point to it. Let’s be the news anchors spreading the word about all that’s positive and beautiful among us.  I believe with all my heart that there is way more good than bad in this life we are given.  Let’s live that truth and shout it from the rafters.  We all need to hear it. 

Wisdom from my Parents

My life has not always been a fairytale perfect story.  Like every one of us, there have been good times and bad times and those times that crush you and you have to climb back out.  I choose not to spend a lot of time reliving those.  Instead, I like to focus on all the ways I have been blessed in the span of my years. 

I am incredibly thankful for the parents who gave me life.  They often referred to me as their “happy accident”.  I had two older sisters and they did not plan to have a third. My dad might have wished for a couple strong sons to help with all the ranch work, but instead he got three girls.  We participated in chores, chased cows around, and even stacked hay bales at harvest time.  My parents were not perfect, but it was a pretty great life growing up.  I’m so grateful now for our country life and for how hard they worked to make that happen for us.  

Recently I read something that started me thinking about some of the life lessons I learned from my parents that I have carried into adulthood.  Just by the nature of nurture, I’m sure I’ve intentionally or unintentionally passed some of them on to my own kids. I’m at an age now that I am beginning to realize that I won’t always remember everything, so I thought I’d document a few of the gems:

• ·       If you can’t drink coffee black, you shouldn’t drink it at all.
• ·       Always look down when you walk.  You never know what you might step in or on.
• ·       Always keep your gas tank at least half full and a shovel in your trunk.
• ·       A little hard work never hurt anyone.
• ·       You don’t have to clean your plate, but you have to try everything.
• ·       Don’t jump in the river; people drown in there.  
• ·       You may not think so, but I know where you are at all times. 
• ·       Don’t talk too long on the phone, it’s a party line. 
• ·       Don’t spend money if you don’t have it to spend. 
• ·       Don’t hide snacks under your bed; they attract mice.
• ·       I hope you end up with a child just like you (this was not a compliment).
• ·       Faith is important and prayers get answered. 
• ·       You can always ask for help and you can always come home.

I am very aware that not everyone had parents like mine.  There was never a moment in my life that I questioned their love and support.  That life blessing shaped who I am today.  I hope my kids know that same blessing. 

Author note:  I would love to hear bits of wisdom from other people’s parents.  Leave a comment!