Deciding to Decide

Generally I’m a decisive person.  I’m often the one in the group that makes the call when the conversation goes, “What do you want to do?”  “I don’t know what do YOU want to do?”.  Because I’m not the most patient person, indecisiveness makes me fidgety.

What I’ve come to understand about being decisive is that you can also decide not to decide.  I wrestled with a decision for the better part of a year.  My heart was telling me I needed to go a new direction but my head said I had a timeline and I would power it out until my chosen day turned over on the calendar.  I was feeling unfulfilled in what I’d been doing for the last 19 years. More and more I began to bargain with my own timeline.  There’s a very stubborn part of my personality that can turn it’s back on how I am feeling, so there began to be anxiety and sleepless nights as the internal battle raged. 

A couple of months ago I spent time on the Oregon coast.  Ocean air always helps clear my head.  One day on the beach at Neskowin, the message came through loud and clear that I needed to start listening to my heart.  I needed to let my timeline go because God had a different one in mind for me.  Then some circumstances made it very clear that the decision needed to come sooner rather than later.

I share this because maybe there’s a decision you’ve been putting off.  You might be hesitating because change is hard.  It might mean stepping into the unknown without a roadmap.  Find your quiet place and allow God to speak into your thoughts and feelings.  I find that if there’s something I need to learn or lean into, the message comes in a variety of ways.  Be open.  Be brave.  Step toward what feels scary.  That scary thing might be the best thing you’ve ever done. 

Decision

Time expired on compromise and truth bending;

conviction no longer allows for pretending.

Integrity dictates taking a stand;

conscience requires drawing a line in the sand. 

The heart is speaking, the mind has joined with it.

Excuses and tolerance can no longer be defended.

Courage is necessity and bravery the trail,

the path behind forbidden where values prevail. 

The expanse of road confounds, intimidates;

direction unclear, faith reigns and dictates.

An unsteady first step is all that’s required,

divine reveals navigation as destination becomes dire. 

Unknown grows into comfort as heart becomes lead,

mind surrenders to truth as soul becomes freed.