It's Fine....I'm Fine....Everything is Fine

We all have it sometimes....that sense of worry or dread about things we can’t control.  Some people suffer from debilitating anxiety that interferes with the life they want.  I don’t tend to be an anxious person, but there are things that can send me into a tailspin and usually they aren’t huge or life threatening.  I can stress over seemingly small things at times.  I can sometimes succumb to nagging worry that can cause me to lose sleep or obsess about what “could” happen. 

In my head I know it’s so counterproductive and a waste of time.  Worry does not fix anything and almost all of the time it turns out to be “nothing to worry about”.  Knowing that doesn’t keep me from focusing on worry sometimes.  I usually try to master it with prayer, distraction, or playing a mind-over-matter game with myself.  But I’ve learned over time that you can’t compartmentalize it into going away.  Telling yourself to have peace and trust God is what you know but not always what you feel. 

Today I have to do something that is causing me that restless, anxious feeling in advance.  I know it will very likely all be fine, but trying to push the worry down doesn’t change it or make it go away.  I wrote a poem about it.  Maybe you can relate. I’m working on the letting it come and pass through today.  

Looming shadow drifts in and out

as will pushes it back to the edges of perception.

Pretending works for a while. Distraction has its moments of victory.

It floats around the perimeters of thoughts,

continually trying to breech the safety barrier of calm.

Its goal is to steal peace and create chaos.

Reinforced only by determination to hold the line

and faith that it will eventually work for the good,

it tries to build anxiety and anticipation of worst possible outcomes.

The spirit must win the war by accepting confrontation.

It can be kept at bay temporarily but eventually has to pass through.

Ready your heart and let it come;

accept its threat as something that can be overcome. 

Let its wave build and crash till the tide recedes;

then comes rest and fading shadow.

Another wave will come, but also comes the knowledge

that you rise to the surface, wet but breathing.

Confidence in who you have become is stronger than the fear.

Claim the deed.  You can’t know the outcome, but you can own your response.

Walk through the shadow and into light – it’s yours to own.  

(Drawing and quote credit to Charles Mackesy)