Feeling the Feelings

I have a couple of blog posts in the pipeline and I internally debated which one to post today.  Both have my usual positive bent because most of the time that’s where I live.  I’m an optimist, a glass full and overflowing “this too shall pass” girl who strives to look for the good in every day.  If I am feeling blue, I generate a list of things I’m thankful for.  If I’m sad, I focus on all the reasons I have to be happy.  If I’m upset or irritated, I take a walk outside and breathe in the fresh air and exhale the anger or frustration. 

Today I’m blue and sad and maybe even a teeny bit angry.  I would usually keep telling myself that I need to snap out of it.  I would sternly remind myself that I need to stop moping, stay busy, listen to upbeat music, go for a walk, watch some inspiring videos, tackle a project, or read a funny book.  I may not be able to change my circumstances, but I can sure control how I respond to them. 

I sent a message to a friend earlier in the week that I was struggling a bit and was looking to be cheered up.  This person usually always has a way of making me laugh with their offbeat perspective and similarly quirky sense of humor.  I didn’t get back the comical message I expected.  Instead what this wise friend said, in essence, is that sometimes you need to live in the struggle; that sometimes you need to let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling.  That may mean just hanging in and hanging on until it works its way through.  Sometimes, it seems, forcing yourself to be positive only prolongs actually dealing with the feelings.  Working up a false sense of optimism is like putting a ferocious animal in a cage and going about your business without considering the fact that at some point you’re going to have to let it out.  It may sit in that cage and calm down, or it may only become more dangerous the longer you wait, but it will eventually need to be freed. 

Today I’m allowing myself to feel whatever it is I’m feeling without trying to whip up a batch of fake positivity or platitudes.  I know there is truth in the idea that I need to accept those feelings, let them ruminate a bit, and then let go of them.  In the meantime, this same friend offered to commiserate and hang with me there in the darkness.  It was not comic relief, but it was a more important kind of benevolence that reached all the way into my heart.  That kindness did more to make me feel hopeful than any joke could have.   

I don’t know what you could be feeling today, but know that it’s ok to feel it.  It’s also ok to reach out to a friend.  Sometimes just what you need to hear comes from unexpected places.